My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
