So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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