I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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