she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
