I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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