I'm so fucking centered right now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
