I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
