fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
