Whod you bang
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
