She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
