You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
