I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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