My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My feet surprised me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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