So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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