dude i'm inner monologue high
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't deserve a penis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize