So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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