My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
