I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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