i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
