brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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