I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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