Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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