Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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