sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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