i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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