every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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