Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
