I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
