Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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