Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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