This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Randomize
