She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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