Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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