The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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