I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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