who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
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WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
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I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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