I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's blow job season.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
