I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
