why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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