just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
