Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
