i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
