listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
