I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
