oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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