I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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