Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
