i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
