I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
