so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
