Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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