my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
