I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
