I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
