My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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