the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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