she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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