john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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