even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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