a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
