okay pat passed out under dana's car
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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