In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
