I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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