This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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