His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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