Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
