I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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