Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.