Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
