Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are we still banned from the library?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
