I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
